Updated: Jun 30, 2022
For me, the most painful part of being human is imperfection.
Facing failure is hard and it hurts when you let others down.
However, I sense imperfection may be the only thing that makes us capable of love.
To be imperfect renders us small.
It gives wonder to this world.
It gives magnitude to God's grace.
It gives heaven its splendor and earth its reprieve.
I may not like it, but I dread who I might have been without it.
A creature with no need of God.
A soul with no capacity to learn or grow.
Self-reliant and self-sustained.
What a lonely existence.
Dear heavenly father,
Will I ever win this war between the person I want to be and the person I am?
I don't want to waste all that you've given me, so I'm always striving, trying to do more, be more, have more, so that I can give more.
But is all this pursuing Your purpose?
I sincerely want it to be.
But if I am being vigilant in the examining of my core intentions, I must admit, a lot of this is still about me. My fears. My doubts. My insecurities.
I'm trying God. I know it all starts here, at surrender.
Help me Father, I know you are all things good and all I want is you. Please help me understand how to live for You.
Forgive my selfish ambition, continue to guide my purpose, and keep it directly in line with yours. As I get blown off course by the currents of this world and the winds of my soul, just bring me back to you.